Nothing will fuck up your twenties more than thinking you’re supposed to have your shit together.
how do mermaids have babies
do you think the people who play teletubbies feel horny on set sometimes
why didn’t tarzan have a beard
how many things are there
why didn’t aladdin have nipples
if siamese twins have two separate vaginas do they get their periods at the same timewhy do sandwiches taste better cut diagonally
And yet the guy in blue stripes is ready to fight with no fear in his eyes
so we were talking about gender diversity in anthropology and my professor was asking for the definition of each letter in “LGBTQA” and when we got to the A i said “asexual” and my professor says “actually it stands for ally” and i unhinged my jaw and a swarm of locusts flew out of my mouth and attacked every straight person in the room true story
"you’ll get ink poisoning"
haha funny thing is, its actually impossible to get ink poisoning this way. the only way to get sick with ink is to eat around 16 pens full of ink to even be slighty harmful
when I was a kid, I actually ate the ink of a pen or two. Worried, my parents called animal control. Turns out that pens are soy based, so you really can’t get sick from eating them. That doesn’t mean you should try though.
Wait, why did your parents call animal control?
was wondering the same thing^
the thing to realize here is that conservatives find the idea of paying workers a livable wage so absurd that they make hyperbolic comparisons like this
because fifteen dollars and hour and a hundred thousand dollars an hour both mean the same thing to them; more than you deserve
^That commentary is very important.
When I was 12, revealed to my mommy that I don’t believe in God. She looked at me wild-eyed and screamed, “So when you’re laying there dying on the hospital bed, who is going to save you?? SCIENTISTS?!”
And I said, “Yes, mommy, they’re called Doctors.”
reminded me of